Last night I was at a comedy show with one of my best
friends. Having gotten back in the house a touch before midnight, I opened the
fridge after one of those mindless trips to the kitchen, and to my delight, an
inviting box of Ultra-Mel custard was waiting to be savoured. My justification:
custard contains a bit of Vitamin C which is an essential nutrient in aiding
sleep.
[As far as excuses for a midnight delicacy go, I think
that’s the best one I’ve come up with by far]
So there I was on the black couch, red carpet underfoot,
white cup in hand. The TV was off, and so all I could hear was the occasional
car purring across the highway not too far from my house. I decided to resist
the urge to reach out for the remote to lose myself in some sports highlights. Not this time, I said to myself. I
wanted to lean into my own thoughts and feelings; to be present, inhabiting the
moment instead of harking back to how great the night had been, or how tired
I’d probably be the next morning.
Having done a quick mental inventory of the best strategy to
do this, I figured the simplest way was the best way. Start with where, how, or what you are. I looked down at my
custard, and a smile crept across my face: gratitude
meditation.
I took another generous spoonful, plunging the silverware
into the unsearchable depths of the yellow concoction, and steadily,
unhurriedly, leisurely lifted into my mouth. I took note of the cold sensation
it left on my tongue as it landed, and how my lower jaw moved in instinctive
circular motion as I took in the flavour, like a boat floating on calm waves. I
played around with it my mouth, exploring the consistency and texture with my
tongue, wondering which ingredients were responsible for which part of the
taste experience. I’m so grateful to be
sitting here, having this custard.
The thing about gratitude is that it naturally wants to
spread itself beyond the immediate experience. Next thing I knew, I was musing
on how thankful I was for the friendship I have with Ayanda. Chuckling almost
involuntarily, I found myself thanking God for the gut-wrenching, unhinged, and
downright careless laughter I’d had that evening.
And then, how privileged I was to be coming back to the home
I did.
And, and, and.
Man, this is a great
cup of custard.
I’m an ideas man, a writer, always tossing around some crazy
thoughts in my ahead, touching and turning and tuning and tightening the next
big notion. So when I started learning about gratitude last year, I had no clue
that it was such a profound thing to know and do that I would later make it one
of three ‘CAT’ values I live by (Courage, Authenticity, Thankfulness).
So what’s the big deal with saying ‘thanks’? It’s the same
thing I asked myself when a lady on a TED Talk I watched made a big deal of
gratitude. In fact I almost skipped to the next profound talk, but something-
was it the Holy Spirit?- urged me to stick to it and listen.
And I listened.
And this lady spoke so gently and with so much conviction
about how gratitude saved her from depression.
And her voice quivered, crumbling under the weight of tears
fought back.
And my eyes got teary. This gratitude stuff clearly had a
palpable impact on her.
Is there more where
that custard came from?
I knew then that I’d found a simple yet deeply profound
game-changer. The big deal with saying thanks
is that you start to feel thanks. I
love a maxim I came across this week that puts it like this: “What we
appreciate appreciates.”
The crazy thing is that gratitude has been scientifically
studied and tested (Yup, there are gratitude experts, believe it or not).
They’ve found that at the neurological level, practicing gratitude actually
influences how your brain functions, and by extension how you feel, by
activating the release of dopamine- a ‘get up and go’ type of chemical in your
brain. And the more you consciously do this, the more the brain rewires itself to facilitate and reward
this behaviour. Also, others suggest it increases your levels of oxytocin, the
hormone that floods your system when you see a cute baby, fall in love, or
receive a comforting touch from a friend. It’s insane!
Yeah, I’m gonna have a
little more custard.
As if that wasn’t enough, the Greater Good Science Centre at
the University of California Berkeley lists a whole host of wellness benefits
that practicing gratitude is associated with, including increased resilience to
traumatic events, quicker and deeper sleep, and- TED talk lady called it-
reduction in anxiety and depression. A study on 10-19 year-olds revealed that
those who practice gratitude felt more connected to their communities- and like I've written before, we were made for connection.
I wondered at first if I’d have to go around saying ‘thank
you’ to every breathing creature.
Thankfully (booya!) I didn’t. No-one does. Practicing and cultivating
gratitude starts simply by recording 1 or 2 things at the end of each day that
you felt grateful. We don’t have to
manufacture feelings, and I love that. I was alight with excitement when I told
my friend Hugh at a coffee shop one day, “Gratitude is like a wheel that spins
itself. The more I write what I’m thankful for, the more my eyes look for stuff to be grateful for, which
means I have more to record”. And so on.
So my biggest lesson of 2016 was this, and I paraphrase:
It’s not the happiest people are the most grateful. It’s the most grateful
people that are happiest. To start, just simply ask the question:
What’s in my cup?
